Aimee's first Xmas

Aimee just experienced her very first Xmas ever. She spent a week staying at the home of Grandparents Mac and boy did she enjoy it! Fussed over like a little Princess, Aimee had everything she needed and more. Nanna Mac had renovated the second bedroom into a complete nursery fitted out with everything a baby could ever need. New cot, new carpets, new toys, new everything!
Of course Aimee received the most number of presents this Xmas and the biggest! Causing her mum and dad the dilemma of how it was all going to fit inside the car. But no mind, Aimee responded to her copious gifts with almost a smile. Won;t be long before she smiles properly.
Aimee is now back at home and of course, without all the fun and excitement of Xmas - is taking some time to settle back into a more chilled pattern. But she has just had a bath with Mum in themain bath and obviously loves being in water. This has helped calm her down and hopefully, will sleep better tonight.

Cranium

Cat and Aimee are up in MK already leaving me back in London to go back to work for the few days before Xmas. I forgot how much attention, questions and quizzing from work colleagues went on before Aimee was born, but now, rather than shoulder shrugging and blankly responding that Cat was not yet in labour, now, I can talk endlessly about life with Aimee. In fact, I go on so much about it that I think people are now avoiding me. Especially since I do like to give colourful and incident-filled reports about how tough the birth was and how gruesome the nappy changing can be. But I love talking about Aimee, and my new audience is other parents - who also love talking about their kids so now, I am in this totally new club.

Whilst Cat was in MK, she saw her osteopath and he gave Cat a clean bill of health concerning her hip bones. But when he l examined Aimee he noticed that her skull was slightly compressed on one side (the side she had her fist held as she was born) which could be the reason why she is exhibiting some tantrums during feeding and not sleeping well. This field of cranial osteopathy is new in the UK. Whilst it is not tree-hugging hippy medicine, it is something not really known about by midwives and doctors. My friends Charles and Liz also went for treatment with their baby daughter, and can attest that it works. Aimee is due for a couple of cranial treatments this week so I am keen to keep track of how it affects her behaviour.

One thing we did learn was a pressure point just on the left side of her belly which could be massaged to encourage wind to pass through the system, either as a belch or a fart. Aimee is quite a trooper with the wind, she either selfishly harbours her wind until it causes her pain, or she lets off with the most embarrassingly loud parps. Either way, we welcome any help with getting the wind out of her system fast.



Anyway, for me, it is great to finally get a full night's sleep. But Cat is already making sure that I make up for it when I go up to MK with a full quota of nappy changing duty.

My next report will be on Aimee's first Xmas - in MK with the family Mac.

Bitty

The past two days has seen Aimee feed with the appetite of a Tyranosaur. Every 1.5-2 hours she is demanding her breast milk and she must be fed within two minutes of her getting agitated or she'll wail the house down. Poor Cat's boobs barely have time to recover. Aimee is draining one breast and trying her best to empty the other, before finally succumbing to fatigue and falling asleep. We hope this is a growth spurt, as usually happens with babies, and will settle down to a more boob friendly schedule in a few days. Ironic though, that for three weeks, the boob was rejected, and now, she can't get enough.

We went to the baby weighing clinic yesterday. Aimee is now a whopping 4.33Kg (9lb8oz). In just four weeks she has put on a kilo of solid Aimee mass. This, according to the chart, is slightly above average. Oh no, I fear we are rearing a blimp. But her appetite is insatiable. Maybe we are weak, but we dare not ration her feedings since she is big enough to beat us up now.

Message in a bottle

Well, it's been four days since Aimee last touched the bottle and I'm happy to say that she is breast-feeding with gusto now. It is not all plain sailing, sometimes she protests so much she goes onto fits of hysteria. We now know that she is actually not always that hungry and she needs simply to sleep for one hour, so we papoose her. One hour of close-contact swaying later - blissful suckling. We are also learning that complete peace and quiet is actually a bit annoying to Aimee. She loves the buzz and excitement of new places, new faces, outdoors, cold, warm, bright lights, flashing colours, music very loud. This cacophony actually calms Aimee into a peaceful lull. Amazing!

This morning we attending a breast-feeding clinic. Actually it was more of a mother's social gathering where they chatted about life with a young'un. I felt initially a little self-concious as the only bloke there but it was very friendly. The woman running it was incredibly impressed that Aimee could breast feed now especially after three weeks of bottle. She offered some interesting tips about improving positioning, including an unusual down on all fours version I have never seen before. Surreal, but refreshing to talk about these things with someone who is not a midwife or health visitor (they perhaps unintentionally do make you feel slightly useless).
Anyway, there were dozens of babies of all ages there and all the mums offered very sueful personal experiences and advice about all sorts of things.
I was most impressed with a young toddler (maybe a year old) who was dipping in and out of his mother's breasts like you would snack on a packet of peanuts! At one point, he was standing upright, extending his neck to suckle on his mother who's breast drooped to just the right height for him - all the time, she was chatting quite unperterbed.

Amazing Aimee

Something amazing happened today. Aimee breastfed for the first time. Not just a dabble or a lick - proper full on thirty minutes a go breast feeding just like all the propoganda those leaflets from the NHS show. It's a bloody miracle and I can;t beleive it has actually happened.

It started this morning. Aimee had her feed from the bottle but only finished three quarters. She seemed happy but not sleepy so as Cat began her usual slog of expressing nilk inthe other room, I was playing with Aimee. I noticed after a short time that she began rooting with her mouth. Unusual I thought since even a 3/4 feed would normally stop her from feeling hungry so soon. I placed my finger knuckle close to her mouth and she reached out with her mouth to suckle on it. Blimey, I thought, what if my knuckle were a nipple instead?
I ran over to the other room and made Cat present her nipple. With Aimee held vertically under the arms like a floppy kitten, I put her to the breast....Darn! It worked. Soon she was gulping down milk like a seasoned breastfeeder. You cannot imagine the feeling we had watching this phenomenom when we thought all hope was gone. I nearly cried.

Then, this afternoon we tried again, with semi success, we still needed the bottle to finish her feed. Then, tonight, she protested quite a storm, but after a lot of calming, she eventually took andfed for 40 minutes. Really gulping too. We need to learn the best time to do it. Too early and she is too asleep, too late and by the time she is crying, we need her to calm down. The silicone nipple protector helps too as it fools herinto thinking itis a bottle teat. Other than that, it is persistence I guess that will eventually turn her into a permanent breast feeder.

It is only the beginning and it won't be easy, maybe it will never happen again, but it has given us hope to continue trying her on the breast. This is truly a significant breakthrough and I am only too happy to continue reporting in the next few entries Aimee's progress from bottle, to breast (surely a minor miracle after 3 whole weeks bottle feeding).

Timing

Aimee is getting good at timing her wee-wees. She'll do it the minute you take away her old nappy and place a new one on. On a good day, she will release an arc of baby wee about two inches into the air, and just powerful enough to coat your hand which is holding the new nappy, plus it wil also leak onto the towel beneath her, hence requiring yet another item to add to the laundry bin.
But she is pretty calm during nappy change since we are beginning to suss out that we can pretty much do what we need as long as we feed her before hand. We are now adopting a new strategy of dosing her up on an extra ounce of milk just after her nappy change to ensure a full tummy and sleepy baby. So far this has not worked as planned since her wind is too painful for her to get any length of sleep.
Yesterday we all ventured out on our biggest excursion yet. Cat, Aimee, me and MIL travelled to the BBC to see Cat's work colleagues. You can't imagine the logistical nightmare that preparing that trip involved. Since we are bottle feeding, we needed to pack all the pre-chilled bottles, nappies, changing mat etc etc, but also we needed to bring the electric breast pump and all the accessories for that. But we managed it. And clearly, Cat's work colleagues enjoyed seeing little Aimee, who put ona charm offensive worthy of an Oscar.

Come on feel the noize

Little Aimee exhibits a startling array of vocal grunts, groans, wheezes, whimpers, yells, screams and cries. We dub her the Pterodactyl since we imagine she kind of sounds like a baby dinosaur. At night,she is more like a 'Terror' dactyl as she can scream her face off for no apparent reason. Her signature wail is the undulating high pitched cry after a prolonged bout of normal crying. This usually signals the end of one period of crying, as she takes a breather ready to begin the next round of wailing.
Cat and I, whilst not enjoying the crying, are at least managing to view this as simply something Aimee does and after we feed her, change her, check she is ok, there is not much more we can do other than soothe her or rock her.
I asked the health visitor if she had colic, and the reply was that this was nothign compared to colic. Gulp! God forbid she develop colic. At the most, Aimee wails for about 40 minutes - usuallyt cos she wants feeding earlier than usual. Once fed and changed, she is generally fine, though refuses to go to sleep. Colic babies wail despite all attempts to find a solution. They wail for hours and hours and hours. The pain must be unbearable. No one knows the real reason for colic. I hope Aimee doesn't get colic, pleeeeeease.

The other day, we did manage to step outdoors for the first time together. It was a bright winter's afternoon and we ventured the buggy out and ate lunch at a nice local restaurant. The was quite an adventure for us and Aimee seemed to fall instantly asleep in the pram, despite the cold. The whole trip lasted amybe 1.5 hours but exhausted us. That afternoon, when we got home, we completely zonked out and slept for 3 hours. Luckily, Mother in Law was on hand to look after Aimee while we rested.

An eventful day

One of the joys of having a newborn is that you get to show off your pride and joy to close friends and relatives. Yesterday my sister came round to visit from Thailand and she seemed to love little Aimee, depsite her screaming and crying. After a short while of getting acquainted, Aimee took to the arms of Sylvie and fed like a trooper. She'll have to get used to the company as Aimee has a lot of aunties and uncles. Yesterday was quite a crowd actually, with my parents, sister, Cat's Mum, Cat and me all in one room. Aimme didn;t seem to care long as she had a bottle to feed from.

Textbooks - throw them all away!
I'm having a textbook versus instinct debate with Cat at the moment. For me, I beleive Aimee should feed every 3-4 hours no matter what. Cat feels Aimee should be allowed her five - six hour sleep if needs be (books and the midwife advise against this), or two hour feed if that is what she wants. I am nervous about letting Aimee sleep too long for fear of her missing a feed and getting dehydrated. Last night, we did it my way, I woke Aimee up after five hours of sleeping had elapsed. Darn! I paid the price with three hours of crying hysterics after a copious feed and nappy change. So today, we do it Cat's way and feed on demand and leave well alone if sleeping for long periods. If the weather is nice, we may even venture outdoors for a stroll in the pram for the first time.

Aimee is now two weeks old. It's amazing to think we have survived two whole weeks. The first week was definitely the toughest days of my life - and of Cat's. No amount of planning can prepare the first time parent for this period.
But we have found that each day gets a tiny bit better. We learn and discover new things about coping with Aimee. We hope also that Aimee is learning to trust us and certainly seems a bit calmer.
The trick is always trying to decipher her cries. Nappy changing and hunger is fairly obvious, but we are learning that around 7pm each night, she simply gets bored and cries unless you take her around to other rooms in the house and play with her. After that, she is fine.
I'm not saying it will be easy from now on, but today seems a watershed. Cat and I will leave the house to go out and do some shopping for the first time since Aimee was born. Tonight, I may even go back to doing some jujitsu. Our lives are sort of coming back together again, and it is some relief. But as ever, Aimee comes first. She always will.

Games

Aimee is getting bigger by the day. You can't imagine such a little one can have such a personality. Just now, I dropped some Infacol into her mouth (anti-colic medicine), she tasted it and then jammed her mouth closed so I could not administer the second drop. Then she just stares at you with intense suspicion. You should see her actually yell 'No!' whenever Cat introduces her nipple. She shakes her head from side to side and screams Noooooo. I thought babies could not talk? But when she feeds, she clasps her little hands together just as if she is praying - so cute you have to see it.
Right now, our new game is wake daddy up at 4am and scream blue murder until he cuddles her on his chest. then, paranoid that he will fall asleep and drop her, poor daddy has to lie there motionless until the next feed (3 hours).



But for a 13 day-old baby, she seems to take a keen interest in visual and aural stimuli. Cat brought out a musical playmat which makes sounds when touched. Aimee, visibly appeared to enjoy the mat and, whilst too young to smile, did kick her legs and arms around with gleeful abandon - either that or her nappy was filling up.

Express Service

I'm glad Cat can laugh in the face of adversity. These past couple of weeks have seen some quite trying times and Cat has always pulled through. She's a strong person, characteristics that seemingly have been transfered to our little one.
Today, Cat yelled for me to come over as she was showering. Oh no, I thought, an accident? No, Cat called to show me how her nipples were lactating in response to the noise of the shower. The milk from her breasts were gushing outwards in unison with the shower!
Then later, as she was feeding Aimee with the bottle, Cat was leaking so much milk she was drenched and we had to change the entire bed sheets. Mother nature is a wonderful thing - but she sure is messy!



Poor Aimee has developed acne. Yes, acne just like a teenager. Apparently it is very common in young babies but it looks awful. It covers her nose half way across her cheekbones and sopme on her forehead. There is no solution other than to cleanse with sterile water everyday and hope it goes away. We reckon it started the moment she went on to all-breast milk diet. Cat's hormones must be having an effect. But we hope it won't last and the benefits of breast diet must outweigh these drawbacks.



I eventually got round to unboxing my new camcorder and have been shooting pics of Aimee's many contorted facial features as she is held by various people. The most amusing incident was when I jokingly narrated that she looked like she was about to explode a bowel movement, and right on cue, she produced a massive stinker of atomic proportions. I refrained from filming the nappy change. Some things should never be seen.

NappiesR us

There is a rite of passage that every man dreads but most must go through at some stage - the nappy change. I am not a big fan of the poo. The wee is ok, though time it wrong and you end up with a lot of wet clothes. No, the poo is at one fascinating (all those colours I never thought possible) and horrid - she can fill her pants literally in the space of one minute. A breast milk diet is known to lead to copious and explosive bowel movements. Speed is of the essence with these big mummas.
But I thought I would be more squeamish and reluctant than I have been. Maybe it is one bonus to be had from sleep deprivation - you simply have no energy to think about things, you just do it.
The midwife weighed Aimee and she is now 7lb9oz. She has gained a full pound in 9 days. Phenomenal growth spurt - and looks like no signs of slowing down as she is gulping down the milk at an astounding rate - 3.5fluid oz every three hours on the dot.
The past two days have been good. As long as we maintain the milk flow and get it to her within two minutes of her crying, she is mostly a happy and contented baby. But the old wind factor is a bugger. Too much gulping or crying leads to wind, which manifests as a three hour screaming session - usually at 2am.

But she seems to be growing daily and that gives us pleasure. Cat and I convince ourselves she is starting to recognise who is who. If I speak in corner of the room while Cat is holding her, Aimee will turn her head in my direction. I cannot wait for her to smile and laugh. This stage is around five to six weeks away.
I'm off to buy a camcorder now. Sadly, my present one let me down and is busted. SoI will have to preserve moving memories of Aimee's first week in my brain.

One week old

Aimee celebrated her one-week old birthday with a two hour sleep and three hour screaming session - all this at 1am. Well you can't say we weren't warned (about the sleepless nights and unsolvable screaming).

There are so may deep issues that I have come across when concerned with baby care. Issues which divide people and cause arguments amongst professionals and parents alike. One is the breast feeding issue. There is no doubt that breast milk is indeed best. But what if your child refuses to take to the breast. Bottles are convenient and save on sore cracked nipples and 1-hour to 2-hour feeding cycles.
Cat was too ill to breast feed for the first two days of Aimee's life. Ther staff at hospital fed her bottled formula milk. Our attempts at weening her onto the real thing have proved a frustrating, tearful and unproductive experience. Sure, we could continue various tactics, but it is incredibly stressful for all. Already we tried cold turkey - denying her food untiul she caved in (you know who won that one), we tried deception (silicone teats which attach to the breast) - yeah like she was fooled, not; we also tried cup feeding to stop her relying on the bottle - a horrid messy practice that causes untold amounts of wind and pain for the baby.
Now we are resigned to a cycle of bottle feeding her Cat's expressed milk. So, our clockwork regime goes like this:
1. sterilise equipment
2.express milk
3. Store milk
4. Warm milk (when baby needs feeding)
5. Feed milk
6. Wash and sterilise bottles
7. back to step one.

This regime is no respector of day or night. It takes an extra pair ofhands from Cat's mum to ensure that we both actually get something to eat and something clean to wear.

Another major issue for debate seems to be the dummy - or soothers. Whether to soothe or not.
Many experts seem to suggest never give your child a soother, she will grow up with a deformed mouth, hideous teeth or some other fact to scare the living daylights out of new parents.
Other's say nonsense and a soother is good way of calming a baby earnestly seeking something to suck on for comfort, instead of food. A babyin the womb naturally sucks on her hand for comfort so when she does not get this in the real world, you get screaming and upset.
We'll try the soother over short periods to see if it helps. But all the time, you are aware of the fact that you might be doing something wrong.

Doula suggests we try the dummy, or even my little finger, as a soother. She also suggested waking her to feed every three hours to ensure she doesn't get so hungry during the night. It would also perhaps time shift her fretful period to a more parent friendly late evening, instead of mid early morning.

Nothing tests your reserves of patience or tolerance more than a baby wailing at top volume,only for her to notch it up a gear yet again.

I have more things to get off my chest, but right now, guess what? It's off to sterilise some bottles and pump some milk like a hand maiden. Poor Cat, she was born the sign of the buffulo you know. She says she certainly feels like one.

A windy day

Yesterday (Thursday - six days after her birth) was a good day. Aimee slept through three and five solid hour shifts and we had time to catch up on mail, pressies, food, a little sleep, some TV and even have a giggle at our hapless antics. My Mum anbd Dad came round to see a sleeping peaceful little baby girl.
But come 2am this morning, all hell broke loose. Aimee could not stop crying, even after a good feed, nappy change and lots of soothing and rocking. She cried - screeched more like - for about an hour. Eventually she got to a more restful phase with my patent sounds of the womb noises - ie me uttering white noiuse from my mouth. She fell asleep on my chest and I placed her in the crib. 5am, she woke again. Feed, nappy change and soothing this time went no where. She was even louder if that could be possible. MIL took charge and gently got her to sleep, but even this took her remarkable skills a good hour to achieve. The result, all of us in a serisouly poor mood this morning, when Aimee decided it was breakfast time at 9am. Meaning we all got a total of maybe 3 hours poor quality sleep last night.
I thought Aimee might be suffering colic. Certainly by the way she spasms up her little body with the wailing, you can tell she is in pain. But all our attempts at winding induce further wriggling and wailing. I spoke to doula about this and she said that it was not likely to be colic, not for such a young baby, but it was wind and that we were doing the right thing by trying to wind her, but perhaps were wrong in keep changing the winding position or passing her from person to person. Thisonlyprolongs to agony. She told us to stick to one position, hold tightly, maybe sway, and don;t change until she calms and falls into the first phase of sleep. When she twitchesor protests slightly, that is the time to change position. Babies usually protest three times when in one position, before calming down. We have to listen to the changein breathing before knowing she has entering deeper sleep. That is the time to put her down in the crib.
Well, all this info is a lot of new information for my sleep deprived brain to take in. So I'll sign off fow now while I have thechance.

Sleep, pleeeeeeeease!!!

Oh my god. 6 days later and I am totally shattered. This is a war zone. Even with Mother in Law to help, we are being ground down by the relentless pace of baby things. EVERYTHING is concerned with the welfare of the baby. You end up with NO TIME to do anything else. No time to eat properly, definitely no sleep, no tidying, even going to the loo is a exercise in correct timing. Get anything wrong and you end up with 2 hours of ear-piercing wailing that no amount of rocking and soothing can heal. It is FOOD NOW or you get my screaming for eternity.
Plus, I am dealing with trying to get Cat strong again. The labour and subsequent surgeryt and loss of blood have wekaneed her considerably. Physically she is porrly and emotionally, she feels she missed out as there was not time forher to bond straight after the birth. It has been soooooo tough.
Then there is the blasted issue of breast feeding. At hospital, since Cat was recovering and not able to bond or breast feed properly for three days. The midwives said it wsa ok to feed Aimee (sorry, forgot to say, that is now her name) on bottled baby milk. Of course now, she refuses anyting except a certain teat from the bottle. We did cold turkey on Tuesday. Man, that was awful. 16 hours of wailing screaming, wriggling, protesting, this kid is TOUGH! In the end we capitulated and gave her the bottle. After that - no problem. But we were gutted and emotionally wrecked by the experience.
But there is a light at the end. Cat's breast milk has come in and is copious enough to fill a bottle for one feed at a time. We could try breast later on but I think it is a gonna. But at least she is drinking mother nature's finest for some of her feeds. We also have a doula who has offered great advice. MIL still insists on helping with everything. My family help too and mny close friends have offered words of comfort and solidarity from the other dads I know.
I am so touched by the wonderful help and support from our friends and relatives.
To even get the chance to post piccies and write this blog has been a minor miracle so far. I hope and pray that things get easier and we don't make any mistakes.
We have many many more obstacles and trials to come. I am not ashamed to say that at several points this week, I havebroken down sobbing uncontrollably at the difficulty of it all. To see Cat in such poorly state, to run around like a madman warming, sterilising, mixing, nappy changing, venturing to shops to purchase more baby things, it is relentless.
I will report soon at my nextbreak on how things are going.
Off to Mothercare now...more damned nappies!!!